No Fun

*Originally published 6/12/13*

This weekend I realized something pretty terrible;I don't remember what it's like to feel normal. I don't remember what it feels like to dance the night away. I don't remember not complaining about something 24/7. I don't remember what it's like to actually go through a full week of school. And the worst part is, I can't imagine doing those things.

I can't imagine actually making it through a full day of school. I can't imagine having fun with friends and family staying up late partying. I realized I'm not fun anymore. I used to be rambunctious. I would bounce off walls and be really loud and talk non stop. Now I'm tired and I don't talk much. I sit in my living room or my bed and watch tv or read books.

I miss the old me. All I want is my life to be normal again. I want to be able to make it through a jam-packed weekend in one piece. I want to not be in pain constantly. I want to play sports and have fun with friends. I want to go to school and not be afraid. I associate school with pain now, because that's what I'm used to.

I'm used to not being able to wake up to go to school because of pain and fatigue. Then going I school and being in more pain. It will be hard when I actually get better to start going to school like a normal kid. I'm at the point where I will try anything to get better. All I want is to feel better and be normal again. I'm doing green smoothies now to hopefully help with some things. I'm going to go fully gluten free and dairy free and hope that helps too.

Luckily school is now done and I have the summer to rest. I'm hoping that I can use the summer to recuperate and be better by next school year. This is the end of the worst year of my life. Now it's time for the Lyme to be done so I can have my life back!