*Originally published 9/19/18*
I’ve been sick for a long time-30% of my life so far. In that time, I’ve learned a lot, but one of the most important things is that I’ve learned to take failure out of my vocabulary-and so should you.
In the beginning, every cancelled plan or set back felt like a failure to me. No matter what I did, I could never win in my mind. And that made me afraid.
I would be afraid to go to school sometimes because what if I failed and had to come home early? Or I’d be afraid to make plans with friends in case I failed and had to cancel.
The failure also made me look down at myself. In our society, we can’t help but compare our lives to others. So, when I had to leave school for treatment, I thought I was failing. When I saw friends out doing normal college age things, I thought I was failing.
6 years of these negative, failing thoughts and I finally just realized that I’m not failing-If anything, I am thriving.
I take my days step by step. If I have to have a cup of coffee, I don’t see it as failure but as what my body needs. If I can’t do my workout, I know it’s not failing; I’m just giving my body the rest it deserves. If I eat ice cream, I don’t see it as failing but as giving myself a prize for kicking this disease's butt all week long.
Yet, some days it’s still hard for me to get into this mindset. Like today, for example, I have the day off and had all these amazing plans for things I was going to do, but I’m not feeling so hot. So instead, I’m lying in bed all day, not checking anything off of my "to do list." And it’s hard to not see that as a failure, but I know that I’m listening to my body and giving it what it needs. If I let the failure thoughts take control, I may try to do things, like exercise, and that will push my body over the edge. So, I just sit back and listen to what my body tells me it needs.
It’s taken me 6 years to get to this point, and sometimes it’s challenging to not see the failures, but I look at how far I have come and know I am doing anything but failing. Living life with a chronic illness makes us put our lives into a different perspective. So no, I am not going to get a degree in 4 years, but I can’t remember the last time I was paralyzed, so I’m not failing. No, I may not be running marathons, but I got up today, so I am not failing.
Every day that we wake up and put our right foot forward when dealing with this horrible disease is a success. So take failure out of your vocabulary. You are not failing, you are a freakin' badass warrior!
Comments