*Originally published 10/13/17*
I swear that Lyme has a super power of knowing when you have a lot to do and that is when it attacks. Take this week for example: I had a project due today, 2 quizzes, an in class writing assignment in Spanish, and next week I have 2 midterms all while my body decided to stop working- sometimes literally. I've been paralyzed 5 times since Sunday. That is a new record for me. Along with the paralysis I am extremely fatigued, weak, have severe stomach pain and tremors, nausea and all around body pain. I haven't had a lot of these issues in a while, or at least not this bad, and we don't know why they decided to come out and play.
People have asked me what it feels like when I get paralyzed so I thought I would try and describe it here. First thing I notice is my left lip starts to droop. Then, my left arm and leg will start to feel extra weak. All of a sudden, I won’t be able to move anything on my left side, including my fingers and toes. Sometimes, it will then travel over to my right side and I lose control over there too. Now normally I can feel touch but sometimes if the paralysis has lasted long enough, I can no longer feel even where my body parts are. A lot of the times, I get lethargic with the paralysis, and then my tremors and even dry heaving tag along. The only thing that really works during this period is my mouth, which if you met me you know is a good thing because I like to talk. The paralysis episodes differ in length, but more frequently they have been over 30 minutes. One by one my limbs start to come back to me, but the weakness in my left side is almost permanent at this point.
On the bright side though, I went to a new neurologist last week and had a really good appointment. For once when I told a medical professional that I get paralyzed they didn't question me. Instead, he gave me 2 possible things that could be causing the paralysis and ordered up a brain MRI, and EMG, and an EEG so we can hopefully figure out what it is causing it and how to stop it. Somehow I think my body knew we were going to be figuring out what's wrong and that's why it's going crazy but who knows.
It's always disheartening to have a bad week. Having a bad week always brings back the helpless feeling that it's never going to get better or the memories of how bad it's been in the past come back and you think that is going to happen all over again. it's hard to bring yourself out of this dark place, especially when all you can do sometimes is sit and think because you physically can't move any part of your body. I know deep down that I am better than I have ever been. I can exercise, stay up late and not crash the next day, take 3 classes and even be ahead with my work, wake up early and play with my nephew and not feel like I'm dying the whole day. But some days, I can't exercise or I need to nap with my nephew and that's okay. I'm still better than where I have been and I will only continue to improve.
So today, when I woke up feeling horrible, I put on my fight playlist, put on my warrior necklace and went to tackle my day (I had ended up skipping my final class and took a 3 hour nap but hey it’s the thought that counts). Someday there will be no more bad days, but until then, I will continue to fight through them.
Side note:
I started blogging for Montgomery College a few weeks ago so please check that out!
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