*Originally published 10/17/18*
I have an update coming in just a few days, but first I wanted to talk about something going on right now and that is Invisible Illness Awareness week.
Most people see me and see a healthy 20 year old girl. A girl who goes to school, works and exercises like a crazy person, but little do they know what goes on beneath the surface.
I look perfectly fine on the outside. Sure I may look tired sometimes or paler than most, but you’d never suspect that, some days, on the inside I feel like I’m dying.
The pain I have faced the past 6 and half years has definitely been there, you just couldn’t see it. You can’t see the pain that walking sometimes causes. Or the sheer torture it is to touch my head sometimes. You can’t see my heart beating at 120 bpm from my heart palpitations, while just sitting on my couch. You can’t see the full on panic I feel anytime my left side gets weak and I know the paralysis was imminent. You can’t see the nausea I feel all day every day, sometimes for months on end. No, you can’t see it, but it is there.
You may not see the monologues we have with ourselves daily. When we have to convince ourselves that getting out of bed is worth it, or that if we just can get out of our pajamas today it will be a good day. You can’t see how we have to negotiate what our body will use energy on so we can make it through whatever tasks we can. No, you can’t see that.
While I luckily am feeling A LOT better than I have in the past, I still feel these things from time to time-and there are millions of others who are still suffering. There are so many invisible illnesses in the world and you just don’t know about them. If you could see how others suffer, on the inside, maybe you’d be a bit more considerate to them, on the outside.
Just because someone doesn’t look sick, doesn’t mean they aren’t fighting a hell of war. We may not look like much on the outside, but I promise we are some of the strongest people you’ll ever know. So all I have to say is never judge a book by its cover-or a warrior for that matter.
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